It’s Sunday night. I’m watching X Factor while scrolling through my inbox on a dating site.
Here’s what pops up: From: Fingers0001: “Wow! Beautiful eyes,
Wonderful smile, Amazing hair…
But enough about me… How are you? Xxx”
So far so cheesy… Then I look at his profile: ‘Honesty is the best policy’.
“Hi. I’m pretty much 100% what every girl out thI’m the kind of guy that will ignore your texts and calls for days on end. Never open doors for you or pay for dates, if you’re lucky enough for me to even take you out. I’ll try to sleep with your friends when you’re not around and deny it to the point that you will eventually lose all your friends, well the hot ones anyway.
I won’t respect your parents.
Even though I have a good job and a house I will move in with you and quit my job. You will have to work two jobs to support me and cook for me every night because I’ll be too busy playing video games or talking to other girls to do it myself.
I’ll stop paying attention to you after a few months because you’ll always be working and you won’t care anyway because you’ll be too tired and depressed.
That depression will also lead to weight gain.
We will break up on a constant basis and I will key your car, stalk and harass you all while being shacked up with some other broad. After a few weeks of this I will call you crying, asking for forgiveness and promising to change.
You will fall for this every time.
If I get you pregnant I will say it’s not mine and that you cheated on me. I’ll never pay child support or want the kid.
If by chance you do meet a nice guy after getting fed up with my shit, it won’t last with him. You’ll eventually get bored with him treating you well, loving you and my child like it was his own. You’ll cheat on him with me and move back in to start our volatile relationship all over again.
Interests
friends family socialising music theatre ok probably not the theatre
First Date
A quiet drink in a country pub, a log fire and a smile or two.”
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The Dating Ambassador 